Shhhhhhhhhhh!

Today was a split shift for me, and perhaps that made me a bit rough around the edges. The last call of the evening, at 10:45 pm, was a lady who didn't understand why her mother didn't do everything in her power to prevent herself from "getting Dementia".

"Okay, I've heard this one before", I thought, "let the caller vent and settle down and then discuss with her the idea that her mother doesn't have the intention or where-with-all to want to have Dementia". And maybe something happened in the past where her mother was abusive to her, so she is thinking that Dementia is a payback of some sort. I thought I had it all covered...but... the caller kept yelling into the phone, not like on speaker phone where you are trying to do two things at once, but really yelling into the phone.

Going through my mind was, do I assess for suicidal ideation and/safety? Can this be her norm in communicating with others? Is this a personality disorder? What is going on, I thought? In some ways her thoughts were making sense, she was following some logic, albeit poor logic, but she wasn't out of control, she was just sustaining her energy to yell. Wow, I thought. What happened?

It turns out her mother gorged herself on food in the home today, and her mother was a diabetic, and money was a huge issue in the household so the caller was scared that she might have to go without food. Really I thought? Is that it? Mom was over-eating... I quickly turned down the volume so I could think while the caller continued. She said that when her mother overeats, she gets sick and can get explosive diarreah. "Okay" I thought, "That's no fun".  So was she scared of what tomorrow might bring? I started to try to normalize her experience, telling her that over-eating is exhibited in many Dementia patients and that backfired on me, because remember "mother allowed her Dementia to happen". Oh my! Terrible I thought, how do I sooth this caller, how? It is now 20 minutes into the call and she is still at a heightened level of anxiety.

Go back to the basics I thought.... well, no I didn't really think that.... it was more like what do I do when someone is mad... AGREE with them! But I can't agree with everything she is saying. So I started saying how mad that would make me if I found my kitchen ran-sacked....

She said, "so I'm not crazy?" I thought.... then said "no your burning out, you need a break... how are we going to do that for you?" Ahh... that was good, got her to stop for a second and feel heard. She said that she was going to go out tomorrow with her sister for a break, but before then she had to secure the cabinets in the kitchen and the refrigerator. She was going to use bike chains. Okay.... that's a soluntion, but so is increasing the mother's supervision I said. I told her that there were respite programs that she could take advantage of, or maybe adult day care. Again, money was an issue. I told her that it would be alright, that we were going to help her figure it out. Those were the magic words! I found them. We weren't going to let the caller be alone in her misery. That help her settle down. "Finally" I thought, she ... and I could have some peace. *sigh*